If somebody would have told me 10 year ago that today I would be sitting in my own house laying next to my 3rd boy I would have thought they were crazy! This is the life that I wanted, but it’s NOT the life I was expecting.
When I was 17 I was like any other 17 year old. I was just trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted to be and where I wanted to take my life.
(This was my high school senior picture! Young Nicole who thought she knew WAY more than what she did).
I knew I wanted to go to college, have a career, get married, have children and the whole deal. Although these were my aspirations I had no idea that I was going to get married as young and I did. I honestly thought that I would be about 26 year old or something (at the earliest). No guys ever really paid attention to me through high school or through my first years of college and so I was not hopeful that I would get married young (like quite a few of my fellow college classmates).
When I turned 21 years old I started planning to begin the process of serving for the LDS church upon graduation. I wanted to serve for the church, then come home and work my way through graduate school. I had plans to work in Portland and live by myself and get an adorable basset hound friend who would live with me and keep me company.
Instead of a mission, I got married to my husband at 22 years old.
(At this moment we were SO oblivious to what life would bring us. We had no idea that in just two months I would be puking my guts out due to a little man growing in my tummy)
Life is never what you think it is going to be. Life isn’t how I ever expected. When you are a teenager you feel like life hasn’t started until you become an adult. Adults get to have the best time right?! They get to make their own rules, they don’t have to go to school, they don’t have to have a curfew and they literally get to do whatever they want! Oh sweet young naïve Nicole. What teenagers don’t understand is that food, rent (or mortgage), phone, cars and even hygiene supplies cost money. What the heck? $5 for a simple cheap bottle of shampoo? All of these things that your parents would pay for is now YOUR responsibility. You quickly realize that your money doesn’t go to “fun” it goes to staying alive.
I honestly had no idea that I would be where I am today. And I certainly had NO idea how hard being an adult would be. I always knew my marriage would be perfect. I would be the perfect mother. I would NEVER get tired of being a mom, because I would have so much fun playing with my kids all day. We would do fun things all the time and everyday we would go and do something awesome. I wouldn’t be that mom who complained about being a mom. What are these ladies complaining about?
Here I am, 27 years old, I have three children. I got married at 22 and got pregnant two months later. I graduated with my Masters degree at 24 and then had my second son two months later.
My husband and I bought our first house, bought our first car together, I then wrecked that first car and we bought our second car together. We then just recently had our third boy. I am a stay-at-home mother of three boys all under the age of 3 ½. I don’t have a career, I don’t really make money for my family, I am tired constantly, I have an 8:00 curfew because that’s when the kids go to bed, we don’t have money (nor do I have the energy) to go and do something every day. Date nights are almost non-existent and sometimes when the kids go to bed I can barely keep my eyes open. My husband and I are constantly tired and constantly overworked. The laundry piles up and I do the dishes. TO think my parents use to pay us for doing chores that I do every single day for free.
My husband works really hard and he comes home and sometimes I can barely muster a smile because I have had a such a long day arguing with a 3 year old about the importance of pants.
Parenthood is hard. Adulthood is hard. Right when one bill is paid there are just more bills. Right when you fix something in the home, something else breaks. Right when you get one kid feeling better, one of us gets sick. The family wants dinner every single night and it’s my responsibility to make the dinner, clean up the dishes, load the dishwasher and clean up the mess. Right when you think life is going pretty well that’s when the laundry room floods, the television stops working, the IRS wants money back, the car needs oil, the diaper bin is empty and our refrigerator is bare. Right when we get a savings, it gets blown because the roof starts leaking, the transmission in the car stops working and one of the children has to take a trip to the emergency room.
I don’t get any money to spend on myself. Even when I got birthday money this year from my in-laws I bought things that my kids needed. My nights are filled with poopy diapers, screaming children, 20,000 books and children yawning while telling me they are not tired. And now with a newborn it consists of a child attached to my boob 24-7 while trying to brush the teeth of a two year old.
This is NOT the life I thought I was going to have. I had NO idea that we would be so fertile and pop these kids out like crazy. I had NO idea that being a stay-at-home mother was so exhausting and emotional challenging sometimes. I had NO idea how long some days would be and how lonely it would be to be a mother of small children. I had NO idea that I would have received my Masters Degree with honors and I certainly had no idea that I would marry a man like Derek.
This is not what I expected, but it’s still perfect!!!
I seriously love my life. I love my husband. He is gentle, kind and patient with me. He is a great father who spends his evenings getting beat up by his two toddlers. He lets me sleep, he lets me take breaks and he treats me so nicely. He doesn’t raise his voice at me and indulges me in my hobbies and my weirdness. He smiles when I am acting weird and he listens when I am in a really talkative mood.
I love my children. They are truly a little piece of heaven. They all have such strong spirits and our children easily bring a happiness in our home. They make me smile every day. They make me so happy. They drive me crazy, but they make me happy. They bring me great joy and I am so glad that they are in my life. They are loving, sensitive and kind. They have good manners and they are such great little people. They have way too much energy for their own good, but they are going to be amazing husbands and fathers some day. I LOVE my three boys and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.
No, adulthood didn’t bring me the freedom I thought it would. In fact, I feel like a lot of adulthood is more strict and has more rules than being a teenager. I feel more trapped as a parent than I ever did as a teenager. Teenagers might not believe me when I say that, but when’s the last time you had a small child try to sit on your lap while you peed? When’s the last time that you had a toddler rip open the shower curtain and scream, “I am hungry!”
No, this isn’t what I thought it was going to be. BUT I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Real life is messy, crazy and sometimes full of chocolate for breakfast 🙂
I can’t wait to see what else life brings me!