My Rainbow Baby!
My husband and I figured out we were pregnant in early September 2016 and we lost that baby at about 4 1/2 weeks. We then got pregnant the next month at the end of October of the same year. We lost that baby at about 6 weeks. When we found out we were pregnant in March 2017 we were much more hesitant and we were really afraid. I decided to start telling people and I got a few “how are you going to avoid having a miscarriage?” or “what are the doctors going to do to make sure you don’t have another miscarriage?” Clearly, these people really thought that it was MY fault and that made me feel even more guilty! It wasn’t my fault, there was nothing I did wrong to cause a miscarriage and nobody should EVER make a woman feel guilty. Usually the women who make other women feel guilty are those who have never had to deal with infertility issues.
Thankfully everything went well and I was able to announce to the world about my pregnancy when I was about 12 weeks a long and I heard the baby and my numbers looked great!
This pregnancy went GREAT! It was very textbook! I was sick, tired and really really “out of it” from about 6-14 weeks. I then felt great.
Second trimester brought me baby kicks, my son’s gender reveal and all of the joys of being pregnant. I did figure out my sugars and hemoglobin’s were low, but nothing too bad. Then third semester came around and I suffered with stuff that EVERY woman deals with (so don’t think you are being picked on…it’s normal). I dealt with heartburn that developed into horrible acid reflex, I had sciatica, I began peeing 4-6 times a night, It was hard to sleep at night and I began nesting like crazy! I also tried to finish every project I ever wanted to get done. I did my bathroom floors, painted walls, put up some of the fence, finished painting the bathroom, front room reveal, a master bedroom reveal and a lot more.
I got a lot of “are you only have one child” and “I wasn’t as big as that when I was pregnant.” People aren’t very sensitive sometimes.
The ONLY part of this pregnancy that threw me for a complete loop was the SPD! SPD is when the pubic bone separates (essentially meaning my pubic bone was dislocated). It was severe enough that they thought it might be 1-2 inches apart. Getting diagnosed with this was HARD. I went to the hospital at the end of my 37 weeks and I was in SO much pain I couldn’t walk. My husband had to push me in a wheelchair. It was horrible. We were in the hospital for awhile and all they could do for me was give me some percocet and send me on my way. I went home and fell asleep, but the next night I was in the exact same spot. But, this time I had a MAJOR panic attack because I went into shock because of the pain. I literally thought I couldn’t breath because it was so horribly painful. I went to the hospital again and the nurse was pretty bad. She first told me to go to ED (emergency department) to check my breathing! I told her “no, I am not having breathing problems.” I then told her “no, it was panic attack. I am in pain and I feel like something is wrong with my baby!” So she first had the doctor order an ultra sound for the baby. They checked my baby and figured out that my son was transverse and that’s why I thought the baby felt different. So then the nurse suggested that I go to ED and get a psych eval. I was VERY upset. I finally said, “just send me home.” The nurse also kept on commenting on how much my son moved and how much that concerned her. Is a child moving too much a thing? I didn’t think so. The doctor finally came in, I could tell he was a little frustrated at his nurse just like we were. He immediately realized that my panic attack was due to my pain. So he got me pain medication, had me spend the night to make sure that it was controlled, sent me home with a weeks worth of percocet and gave my doctor a referral to get induced at 39 weeks. They couldn’t induce me then because I wasn’t even quite 38 weeks and since baby and I were both VERY healthy they had no reason to legally induce me.
On Monday, I had an appointment with my doctor and I was 3cm dilated. He said that he woke up to two referrals from his fellow doctors expressing their concern for me and the need to get me induced. I spent the rest of the week in massive amounts of pain and I had to have my family come over and help me. They had to help take care of the kids while I literally did nothing. I was completely immobile. It was HORRIBLE. I couldn’t move, I was in so much pain, I felt worthless and started to get VERY bogged down about life. Every night I prayed that I would go into labor. Every night I prayed that I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. Every morning I would wake up feeling completely distraught and defeated.
Thankfully my family was AMAZING for the week. My sister-in-law Chelsea took the kids for the rest of the Monday, my brother and sister-in-law took the kids on Tuesday, my mom then took off Thursday, Friday and the Monday after. My only way to get around was to walk with my walker. I bought it for $7 from Goodwill. I was ready to be done.
I have never wanted my baby to come early and I always said I refused to induce a baby before 40 weeks. However, I was in SO much pain I didn’t really know how to get around it. I knew that getting induced was the best for me and my family.
On Tuesday October 24 we had a scheduled induction at 8:00 a.m. I was able to go straight to my room. It took awhile to get things going. I had to answer tons of preliminary questions and get all set up. I was in quite a bit of Pubic pain and I was very excited to just get things going. We had he GREATEST nurse ever and we were so blessed to have her. They finally gave me my antibiotics (due to my Strep B) and they started me on Pitocin. I have heard horror stories about Pitocin and I figured it would be SO painful and I was going to be dying in pain. I was at a 4 when I arrived and the baby was really high up. We sat around for 4 hours and they kept saying I was having really intense contractions and that they were 3 minutes apart. I didn’t feel any pain. I had no pain medication and I couldn’t feel the contractions at all. They kept on upping me by 2 and it just was nothing.
A picture I took when I was 6 (almost 7) cm dilated and I was 80% effaced.
Finally, my 4 hour mark hit and they were able to break my water. After all of those contractions I went up to a 6 cm. I didn’t even feel any of the contractions that got me to a 6. So, for me, Pitocin was WAY overrated!
So then the doctor came in and said that I was dilated enough and my baby was low enough now that I could break the water. With both of my children right when they would break my water my body would know exactly what to do and my baby’s just knew what to do. So when she asked if she could break my water I was SO excited.
Sorry T.M.I: I got prepared to have my water break and I warned the doctor that I have A LOT of water. She said she would roll up her sleeves. So she broke my water and it was like a big explosion. Water was coming out in pounds and I could hear it splashing all over the floor. The nurse would clean it up and she could hear more splashing on the floor. She was laughing because I was laughing. I tried to warn them! Derek had to quickly push his chair back because he was about to get attacked by all of the amniotic fluid! It was about 15-20 lbs of just amniotic fluid! I laid on my back for about 10 minutes while they tried to “drain me.” Right when the fluid was drained from me I got the most incredible pain in my pubic bone. Usually contractions start out strong, but manageable but with having the SPD it was completely unmanageable. I didn’t even feel the tummy pain anymore. It was ALL in my groin area. My nurse knew of my extreme situation so she tracked down the anesthesiologist and convinced him to come in to my room. I was not the first woman in line and he was also about to clock off. I was SO happy she could help me out. She was very proud of herself and said, “the woman in front of you was taking a shower. Her fault” and then we both laughed. I mean, if you are taking a shower, then you are not in enough pain to be needing an epidural!
I was so grateful for my husband. He was there the whole time telling me how well I was doing and how strong I was. I think he especially thought that after we had just heard some poor mother screaming bloody murder from the other room.
The anesthesiologist came in and gave me my epidural. For those who are unaware of epidural you are given one shot to numb you and this shot hurts pretty bad, and then the long needle is put into your spine. Within 10 minutes everything from the top of your belly to your ankles are number. However, you will feel SO much pressure in your bum that even if your epidural works really well you should know that the massive amounts of pressure in your bum means that baby is coming. I laid on my side while I became numb. I could feel pain in my pubic bone and I could feel my contractions but it wasn’t too horrible. After about two hours I felt a horrible pressure in my bottom. I thought it was WAY too early to start feeling that amount of pressure. The nurse came in and was checking up on me because she could tell by the babies heartbeat that something was about to happen. She checked me and I was dilated at an 8. But, then about 1 minute later I felt so much pressure I couldn’t breath. I told her to come back and look and she ran over and said, “oh well, okay.” and I said, “am I having a baby?” and she said, “well, um, no…yes you are!” She ran out into the hall and screamed, “Dr. Estelle come here now!” Dr. Estelle ran inside the room and she began throwing on all of her delivery clothes. My legs went straight up into the stirrups and she told me to start pushing. I pushed for about 5 minutes and then I started seeing the little guy come out. The doctor asked if I wanted to grab the baby. I immediately put out my hands and grabbed the little guy right underneath his arms and took him out the rest of the way. I had never been able to do that before and it was awesome. I grabbed him and he went straight to my chest. He was the most beautiful baby ever! They were cleaning him all up and trying to make him cry while he laid on my chest. I just started crying. The feeling of having a baby is amazing! I loved this little guy so much and I was so grateful that he came out so easy.
I held onto him tight and refused to let him go. He was mine. I held onto him for about 20 minutes and he already was trying to eat. He latched on perfectly and he was perfect. I just stroked his head as he nursed like a champ. I could tell that after about 2 minutes he wasn’t really eating, he was just using me as a pacifier.
After an hour of holding onto him as tight as I could they needed to do all of his tests. So daddy was able to hold his son for the first time. It’s amazing. Every dad loves their children before they are born, but the moment they hold their child for the first time they are in love.
Little man was brought over and they started doing all of their measurements. He was measured at 9lbs 7 oz. He was 21 3/4 inches long and his head measured a whopping 37 cm. He was perfect! Everything about him! Sadly the little guy was so big they had to do blood sugar checks every hour. His first one was really low, but after several nursing sessions he was able to get his blood sugar back up.
Mother and Baby Wing
As for me, there will be NO labor recovery as bad as Dukes. He was larger than this little guy BUT he was my first! So, that was just horrible. I had a 4th degree tear with him. This one I had no stitches and no tearing. So that’s good. But, this recovery will be a little bit worse than my second child who had a much smaller head and who was only 9 lbs. The WORST part about my recovery so far has been the contractions that are associated with breastfeeding. My son eats for SO long (I am talking like 15 minutes-20 minutes). After about 7 minutes of nursing the contracting of my uterus turns to UNBEARABLE and is WAY worse than the first four hours of my labor with Pitocin. I begin shaking because I am in so much pain, I have almost puked a couple of times due to how bad they are. They had to give me a little bit harder drugs because the nurse came in and realized how I wasn’t able to even breath due to the pain. I would say that these contractions with nursing are even worse than having kidney stones.
My daddy showed up during his lunch break to come and meet his newest grandson.
Then my mother showed up with my BEAUTIFUL little toddlers so they could meet their brother. Duke was very excited to meet the baby and kept on saying, “Oh wow!” and kept on commenting on how cute the baby was. But, had NO interested in holding or seeing the baby. Colt (who has shown no interest in having a baby brother) was SO excited and kept on saying, “baby” and he immediately wanted to hold the baby! I honestly didn’t think that Colt was going to be the one that was going to be obsessed with the baby.
My older son’s face cracks me up
Time to Go Home
We were able to take the baby home right after we did the 24 hour baby checks. He passed all of his tests with flying colors and we were both healthy! I was VERY excited to leave.
We got home at around 6:00 p.m. We were able to go home to relieve a VERY tired grandma. And the boys were excited to see their mommy and daddy. Our dog Odin has been our biggest concern with the baby. He was freaking out! He didn’t know what we brought home. He couldn’t decide if we brought him home an animal or what. We kept the baby in his carseat for a little bit for the puppy to settle down. He kept coming up and smelling the baby and a couple of times licked his face. I have NO concerns with him hurting the baby on purpose, but he is kind of spazzy and he is only 1 years old and so he is a little rough. So, we are kind of concerned with just not being aware of his body and hurting the baby.
My mother, daddy, brother and sister-in-law came to visit. I was a little ( a lot) sad that my sister couldn’t come. She is at school.
I am so grateful that little man will have so many amazing people surrounding him that love him. My brother and sister-in-law brought me chocolate and flowers. My daddy brought us dinner and my mother has been our nanny for the past week. I love my family. They aren’t the family who just comes over to hold the baby. They come over with gifts, food and asking what I need help with! They are the best type of visitors. 🙂
Our first night with the baby was ROUGH! He has his nights and days mixed up (which is very common for babies) and I knew that he would because at night he was always extremely active while in my belly. But, baby isn’t very good at being just awake. He doesn’t want to be awake. So if he does wake up he just squeals. So, Derek and I were up all night between nursing, changing diapers, re-wrapping him, changing outfits and giving back his pacifier. It was quite the evening. Finally, at 6:00 a.m I just grabbed him and brought him into my bed so I could keep him wrapped and the baby and I had about 2 1/2 hours of sleep straight! Poor Derek on the other hand had to take care of the other two children in our life. So, he was out there with them getting them breakfast. I was SO grateful for Derek. I was in SO much pain last night and even when the baby was quiet I was having severe contractions and I couldn’t ever get comfortable. At one point I thought I was in labor and I woke up KNOWING that I was in labor because I had such a bad contraction. I then realized that I had already delivered and so that was obviously not possible.
On October 26 we were asked to go to the doctor. We were told that we needed to go do blood work and do a weigh in. We weren’t sure why, because we had never done that before. We were waiting for our number to be called and once we were finally called the woman said that we had no labs even ordered. So then she had to order labs and we had to wait longer. We went back and the lady at the lab kept talking about jaundice and saying my son had jaundice and that was the reason for the lab work. I finally said, “he doesn’t have jaundice.” She finished up her work. When the pediatrician saw our son he rolled his eyes. He said, “what are you doing here? I never would have had you do lab work. He doesn’t have jaundice.” Sure enough his numbers were great! I don’t know why in the world the pediatrician thought that he might have jaundice.
We LOVE this baby so much! We are so very excited to see this baby grow. We are so thrilled to watch him turn into a little person. I am so grateful to get a chance to raise a third boy. I am so blessed. I am ecstatic to be so privileged to be able to raise three young babies and help turn them into wonderful men and amazing husbands and fathers. We have such a wonderful life. It is now time to learn how to become a family of five.