“The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth”
Do you remember when you were dating him? He was perfect! He was your better half, the reason you woke up in the morning and the one to make all your dreams come true. He was your happily ever after. He met everything on your “must have for a future husband” list including the shallow ones like “must have a cute smile.” He made you laugh and all you did was have fun. He was funny, smart, handsome, never farted in front of you (he was way too much of a gentlemen for that), he was kind, patient and all around perfect. You think, “how did I ever get so lucky?” I thought everybody has weaknesses…but he doesn’t!!!
Hate to break it to you ladies…he’s not perfect. He’s a person who has weaknesses and you will have the pleasure of seeing all of them in their own sweet time.
When my husband and I were engaged he did everything right. I felt so inferior to him because I had a whole bunch of flaws. My fiance was perfect and I did not know how to compete with that! When we got married it was a whole different ballgame (not at first) but we finally saw what each other were hiding and some of it was no big deal, but some of it was not so pretty. Like did you know that when Derek doesn’t eat every 2 hours he gets really angry? He’s like a pregnant woman. And did you know if you point it out to him it makes it even worse. Imagine that? Who would have thought that pointing out somebody being mad makes them more mad? 😉 Lesson learned!
My husband and I have only been married for about two-and-a-half years and some change. We may be considered still in the “honeymoon stage,” but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to fight for love sometimes. Some days are harder than others to love Derek… wait no… I take that back; it’s always easy to love Derek! It’s just sometimes harder to “like” Derek (sorry babe, I love you!). Some days I don’t get to eat, sleep, take a shower, or even go to the bathroom by myself (or at all)…because we have two children under 2, so when he gets through that door after a long day’s work all showered and such I just get mad at him! Like why does he get to leave the house? Why does he get to be around other people? Why do I always have to have babies pawing at me all day ? He has the life (clearly he doesn’t “have the life” but that’s how I feel some days). And then when these days do happen…everything he says bothers me. Like if says…”wow I am hungry!” He is most definitely going to get the silent treatment. Even if he didn’t mean he was expecting me to make dinner.
When you get married those strengths that you saw so profoundly are now not as evident and some days those weaknesses that you didn’t see are sometimes all you see! It used to be cute that he would complain about everything (he says he’s just making observations) but now it can get on my nerves (if I am already in a bad mood)!
When you’re engaged or dating you don’t really have bad days (at least we didn’t)! We always had good days, because we had each other. But now we have good and bad days. Some days I’m a little more moody than other days. Sometimes Derek is really negative. I can be dramatic and stubborn and he can be impatient and short tempered. I think the hardest part about our marriage is the fact that people from the outside think that I’m always the problem when they don’t realize that sometimes it is him! We are both the problem…not just me…not just him! Nobody is perfect. Everybody is perfectly imperfect.
Derek and I are perfectly happy together and we are perfect for each other! He is my better half! He is my best friend and I love him more than anything else in this world and I choose him every time! He is my soulmate and I am proud to say that I’m going to be with him forever! I am proud and honored to be his wife, but that doesn’t mean that we are perfect. We have to work at things, we have to work at love and this is only the beginning. Derek and I haven’t even hit that 3-year mark; most people would say we’re still newlyweds, so I know the challenges are just beginning. As our kids grow we will too! We will have to grow. I’m looking forward to those good and bad times, because I know that they’ll be fought together. Being in love doesn’t always mean that you’re always happy. Being in love means that you accept a person even with those weaknesses that you find throughout the years.
Are there things that I would change about Derek? Sure. Like when I tell him that I’m going to be a millionaire… he should just say “okay honey” as opposed to giving me all the reasons why I won’t be a millionaire (come on Derek let a girl dream!). However, that realism that my sweet husband has keeps me grounded when I need it the most. I’m a dreamer and sometimes dreaming gets me into trouble. The analytical husband of mine (in other words negative) often keeps me in my place, so although sometimes it may be seen as a weakness… it can be turned into a positive! My husband and I work at our relationship everyday. Some may say “what do you have to work on you haven’t been married very long? Wait until you’ve been married 50 years”, but what I say to that “you have to be married 3 years before you can be married 50 years.” Some people don’t even make it past the 3-year mark! We don’t have much to work on, but we still have some things that aren’t perfect. I would rather work on them now then ignore them for 30 years.
Loving is easy. It was very easy for me to fall in love with Derek Christensen! It really was! I am in love with him and I fall in love with him everyday! However, marriage is harder than love. Marriage doesn’t thrive just because you love the other person. Marriage thrives because you love the other person and you do everything you can to make it work! You always know that divorce is not an option. I once asked Derek (playfully) what he would say if I ever asked for a divorce. He responded with “no thank you!”
In a perfect marriage you don’t keep score, you serve them, you love them, you forgive them, you make them better, you allow them to make you better and you constantly fix your mistakes. We aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect. He’s not perfect,but our marriage can be perfect if we constantly grow, nurture and love one another.. It sounds difficult and a lot of work, but Derek is totally worth it!
I love you Derek Christensen!